Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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