two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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