I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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