Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
two words...techno handjob
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
