Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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