I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
