i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
