she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
