You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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