She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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