I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Randomize
