Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
