Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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