i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
