Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
