help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
