I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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