You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
