I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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