well you can't waste a boner
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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