time to smoke my breakfast
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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