I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
