Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
