I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
