guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
In America we eat man semen.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
