Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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