I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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