Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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