she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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