Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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