i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
