everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How does one acquire holy water?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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