I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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