obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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