Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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