I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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