He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
