it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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