I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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