I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize