So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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