is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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