why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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