Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
