I met the friendliest cop last night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
