Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
