I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
