First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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