Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
