No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
