I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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