If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
