she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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