i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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