did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
