How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
