Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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