he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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