I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
