checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
