Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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