i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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